This Kooky Earth

God Answers All Prayers

2009-07-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

Usually he just answers 'no.'

Associated Press Article

Life is Comedy

2009-07-21T19:15:00.000-07:00

I had an accident today at work. It involved a large blade and several fingers being sliced. My right index finger is missing a chunk. It's become apparent that the store dog, a Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix....ate the missing chunk.

I can barely type right now.

Life is hilarious!

-Doc

Saudi Family to Sue Genie

2009-07-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

This will be short and sweet. A Saudi family moved out of their home of 15 years due to their belief they were harassed by a Genie. They have even gone one step further and filed a court motion with intent to sue said Genie.

Read more here

-Doc

The Tropics Can Get Fucked

2009-07-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

The tropical regions of the planet are known for their sunny skies, warm weather, sandy beaches, and palm trees. What they DON'T tell you about on those vacation commercials are BOT FLIES!!

I think we should nuke the tropics.

-Doc

Gold, Myrrh, and FrankenScience

2009-06-26T08:01:00.001-07:00

Back in 2001 the world was treated to a medical procedure that largely went unknown. This was a partially successful full-on monkey head transplant. Yes. Doctors cut the head off 2 monkeys and sewed one head on the body of another. The monkey regained consciousness. As the procedure requires the spinal cord to be severed the monkey didn't have much more ability-wise than breathing and looking pissed off. In its' current state the procedure will render the recipient a quadriplegic.

The monkey survived for several hours before succumbing to the procedure.

Like I said...partially successful.

It sounds like something that would come out of some pulp mad scientist science fiction magazine from the 1940's. We even have a mad scientist who goes by the name Robert J. White. Dr. white is the brains behind the monkey head-transplant as well as a very vocal proponent for human head transplants. He even showcases a paralyzed buddy of his who is volunteering to be the first human to undergo a head transplant procedure.

What may surprise you further is this incident with the monkey is not the first time such a procedure has gone down. On May 21, 1908 the first 2-headed dog was created. A dog was decapitated and had his head grafted to the back of the neck of another dog. Major arteries and blood vessels were connected and it created blood flow. There was evidence the poor bastard was conscious after the procedure. The Russians were very big on their 2-headed dogs also. I'm surprised we didn't hear more about that during the cold war....The Iron Curtain and their 2-headed demon-dogs who want to destroy capitalism!

That woulda been a hoot!

The Russians were much more successful with their dog-head transplants as they were the first to successfully graft a head to another dog body that seemingly kept full brain function. This groundbreaking procedure was surprisingly done in the 1950's. This is what inspired Dr. White to perform the monkey-head transplant. He did his in 1963. He then did the operation again in 2001 which is where our story began.

What does this mean for us now?

Stem cell research is likely to improve the procedure. What becomes questionable is the ethics of such a procedure. Recently the news has been infatuated with human face transplants. The public interest in the face-transplant procedure can likely be attributed to the discomfort a lot of people have with the very idea. The very mention of the idea of a head transplant will probably make their stomach sink. A lot of questions are raised in regards to the ethics of the donor body.

But...perhaps there is a solution?

HEADLESS CLONES!

Yes, my friends. I know that sounds like science fiction again. I'm sad to report that it's not. Since we've had the ability to map DNA codes we have also gained the ability to alter them. Scientists have successfully created embryos of tadpoles and mice sans heads.

They didn't 'live' very long, needless to say.

The plan is to develop this research to pertain to the creation of headless human clones. These mindless sacks of meat would be hooked to life support systems to keep the body 'alive' until it is needed. The first idea for going ahead with headless human clones is for an inexhaustible supply of donor organs. This would be especially useful as it could potentially lead to developing organs based on the recipients DNA...thus a nearly 0% chance of rejection. The other use, potentially, is human head transplants.

And now I will leave you to your lunch and debate the ethics.

-Doc

BBC Article on Monkey Head Transplant

Headless Mice!

Robert J. White Wiki entry

The Divorce Special

2009-06-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

Hello my homies,

Continuing on with my tradition and obsession with our obsessions with 'reality' television I am commenting on the 'major news' in regards to Jon and Kate that shall be revealed on the new episode due to air next week.

Even though they are not explicitly saying what it is....we can all pretty much guess at this point, no? The divorce of 2 miserable people is never a happy time but often necessary. What I find particularly distasteful about this instance is they are using this announcement to further boost ratings on their television show. What can easily have been done through a news conference is now being kept hush-hush beyond 'Something major is going down. Tune in!'

I feel sorry for those kids in the end. It's unfortunate they have been born to a coupla' schmucks like those.

-Doc

If Life Gives you Poop....

2009-06-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

Make Poop Juice! Wise words from Bug-Eyed Earl (from the bizarre comic strip 'Red Meat')

Hamilton, Ontario (where I currently am living) is undertaking a project the first of its kind in Canada. All city vehicles are going to be running on bio-fuel. More specifically they will be running on biofuel made from human sewage. I suppose a year ago I may have been against anything that would tarnish the sweet Hamilton air anymore...but since the closing of Stelco Steel there has been something missing from the air. The thick yellow haze. The smell of sulphur. Maybe poop-powered trucks is JUST what we need to get this city back like it was old times!

-Doc

Read more here.

Jon and Kate Must Seper'8 or...The Death of Educational Television

2009-05-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hello all my Franklin Mint homies. Doc here crawling out of my self-imposed exile. I want to hear nuttin' more ever again of Brad Johnson, Blossom Goodchild, or any other maniacs/snakeoil salesmen associated with the 'Saviors' of the Earth.

I'm moving on to completely NEW maniacs!

In 1980 the television station calling itself 'The Learning Channel' was launched. In Canada we didn't recieve this channel until the mid-90's or so. What I remember of it was educational content. It hosted such things as nature documentaries, sciences and technology, medical shows etc.

Not bad.

Unfortunately the masses aren't into expanding their brains and learning about new things. 'Reality' television quickly took a foothold in the world and quickly became one of the top television formats. Television execs are likely thrilled by this. Often a reality series needs nothing more than a camera crew, an editor, and a few words thrown in to fuck people up.

The Learning Channel quickly picked up on this. The format of an educational television station was dropped and the name of the channel shortened down to 'TLC.' It quickly degenerated and filled the timeslots with the usual garbage of watching people argue. Discovery is equally, if not more, guilty of this practice as they are still touting themselves as an educational network. I believe their biggest hit right now is about crab fishermen. They also showcased a show based around those fellas arguing about building motorcycles (American Chopper) before passing the show on to TLC.

TLC touts itself now as a slice of life channel. TLC basically took the same ratings model that such degenerative talkshows as Jerry Springer and Maury Povich. Essentially the ratings model goes like this:

People want to see arguing.
People want to gawk.

I can't stress that second point enough. The majority of TLC programming would be considered distasteful if in another forum. TLC is to a circus sideshow what Maury Povich is to Jerry Springer....a wishy-washy forum that allows America to gawk at human oddities (I hate that word....). Under the guise that it's educational programming it takes away the stigma around the distaste many people feel about going to a carnival 'Freak Show.'

the whole Jon and Kate Plus 8 Fiasco is no exception. I find this show as distasteful as the fiasco of the Dionne Quintuplets.

Long story short....the Dionne Quints were born in 1934 in Ontario Canada. Such a birth (with all the babies surviving) was unheard of. The Canadian Government quickly took custody of the Dionne Quints and built a tourist attraction around them. The quints were put on display for all the (paying) world to see. The Canadian Government made a tidy profit on the exploitation of children. The semi-happy news is the quints were eventually returned to their parents.

All in all I find Kate Gosselin (and to an extent, Jon...that miserable bastard just doesn't want any part of it) just as monsterous as the Canadian government....exploiting children for profit.

Their OWN children which is 100x as shameful.

I do have some sympathy as to why a lot of these programs happen and why the subjects agree to them. Sometimes it's just not finacially easy to be born different. Little People, Big World for example. Very often a person born with some sort of genetic abnormality isn't given the same rights to life as many others benefit from in America. As far as I am aware many of the Roloffs are unable to acquire medical insurance due to their dwarfism. Compounding this is a lot of pre-existing medical problems caused by the dwarfism. The hotpital bills must be immense. I could go on a rant right here to everyone who ever called me a 'communist' for believing in universal healthcare but I will just say instead that I find it incredibly sad that a family has to resort to exploiting their personal lives on television in order to make ends meet.

The 'Slice of Life' shows don't end there. Frequently TLC has been showcasing entire marathons dedicated to the morbidly obese (and doing nothing for their dignity by showing them being carted around on forklifts, etc.), as well as a host of other programs with titles that could be found at the Coney Island sideshow (Mermaid Girl sticks out the most).

Is this trend going to end anytime soon? Are humans just pre-programmed to gawk?

-Doc

Alex Chiu

2008-11-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

Ahoy-hoy,

Today we are going to look at another man who claims he is going to save the world. I present to you the one, the only, Alex Chiu!

Mr. Chiu lives in San Francisco which is in itself a breeding ground for kooks. Alex, like any other great kook, has some extravagant ideas that have absolutely no basis whatsoever in science.

These include...

-Immortality rings: Rings that look like big ugly bolts. When one wears these on their fingers they will then be granted immortality!
-Curing the crippled through the use of magnets (which he now admits failed)
-A schematic for a teleportation machine that has absolutely no detail on exactly how it would break down a solid mass into an electrical signal to transmit over the airwaves to be re-constructed out of nothingness (wheeeeze)
-A medicine that when taken daily in conjunction with immortality rings will alter appearances and make the user "even more gorgeous than supermodels". He also claims it will cure AIDs, handicaps, cancer, tumors, and HERPES! (Former herpes cure can be found here.)
-How to build a UFO. Includes some wonderful drawings that remind me of being 8 years old again...
-Raising the dead

Etc. Etc.

I recommend going through his site yourself. I strongly believe that it speaks for itself.

http://www.liveforevernow.com/

-Doc

New Home for the Fraud

2008-11-04T13:30:00.000-08:00

Hello dearest readers,

I've been taken under Lauras wing and become a writer over at http://thenorthsideirregular.blogspot.com/. It looks like it's going to be a hoot!!

She's always had some great Brad and 10-14 news as well as a lot of other cool stuff.

Ta!

-Doc

10-14-08 Fraud Blog Closure

2008-11-03T18:36:00.000-08:00

Hopefully some of the readers made it over here. I wish Terra would have given me some kind of warning that she decided on the spur of the moment to close the Blog. I'm a little peeved about the whole thing to tell you the truth. Seems a bit coincidental as we were really delving into who Brad really was.

Weird.

Anyhow, it wasn't me and I still don't have an answer as to why.

I'm going to implement the Blog over here to Kooky Earth and hopefully focus on some of the other kooks on this planet.

Cheers!

-Doc

Breatharians!

2008-10-26T08:42:00.000-07:00

Ahoy,

Today we are going to take a look at the Beatharians! A silly following started by a man named Wiley Brooks. Mr. Brooks claims he has discovered a way to end world hunger; which is people don't have to eat. He believes the human body can live on just air and sunlight alone.

Time for another science lesson!

When we were very young, many of us were taught something very crucial to our survival; we gotta eat! Eating is a way to break down much needed nutrients to fuel our bodies. Currently, humans are NOT solar powered. Perhaps one day we might have solar cells surgically installed onto our scalps, but until then, eating is a good idea!

End of lesson.

Ok ok, I sound a little bit closed minded here. "Maybe it really works?" You ask. Well, maybe it does. The evidence all points to the contrary though. Once you become a Breatharian, you come under the spell of a terrible curse. Many many followers have mysteriously died of starvation! Sweet Jesus! How can this be? A couple of Australian Breatharians were convicted of manslaughter for the death of a young lady during her 3 week fast of absolutely no food. The young lady was found in the Scottish Highlands with a diary talking about Breatharianism, what she was doing, and her final cravings (which included swimming in fruit juice). She also mentioned that she felt the tingles letting her know that the teachings are working.

Last I checked, tingles mean you're not eating/drinking enough.

She died of starvation and exposure.

Now let'ss take a look at the people who spout this literature. Ellen Greve is a Breatharian guru from Australia. She claims to have not eaten for 5 years and lives only on a concoction of 'liquid light.' Reporters who visit her home become surprised to find it very stocked with food (which she claims is all for her husband). The NZARH, The New Zealand Association of Rationalists and Humanists, offered Mrs. Greve $100,000 if she can could go without eating for a month and live solely on the liquid light. Greve declined, claiming she was under investigation from various scientists. 60 Minutes of Australia were also investigating Greve and challenged her not to eat for a week.

She lasted 4 days. DEBUNKED!

Ellen Greve is a fake! Fake fake fake fake fake!

And what of Wiley Brooks whom we spoke of earlier? He was caught in a 7-11 digging into a chicken pot pie, packet of Twinkies, and washing it down with a Big Gulp!

Faker! Wiley Brooks is a FAKE!

Of course, with the true side of Wiley Brooks was exposed, the credentials of the Breatharians was ruined overnight. Many left the following. Unfortunately the die-hards claimed that Wiley's being found out as a closet eater to be a cruel hoax!

'No, no no, Brooks really WASN'T eating a chicken pot pie! He was just holding it and tasting it!'

Or some such nonsense.

So people, what have we learned today? It's good to eat!

On that note...I'm gonna make some pancakes!

-Doc

10-14-08's and Science Fiction

2008-10-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know what the 10-14-08's are all about (no, it's not a spin-off of The 4400. They probably wish they were, though) They are a group of people who believed a gigantic 'Light Ship' was going to present itself to earth on October 14th, 2008. They believed this because a woman who hears voices in her head (or is a fraud. see 'psychic') told them it was going to happen.

When it didn't happen many still remained devoted.

The transition of the 10-14 followers from the start (believers in an alien arrival that
never happened) to their current incarnation (seemingly a cult awaiting for the arrival of
these same aliens motivated only by the word of a psychic channeler and her word) has me
stumped.

Don't get me wrong. I would love to see the aliens land. In fact an alien invasion would be
the most exciting way for the world to end! I'll admit that when I was a teenager I grabbed
up every UFO book there was. I still watch that movie 'Communion' on a regular basis (itself
based on the writings of another kook and known liar; Whitley Strieber)

I've grown away from that since. I still do find the concept of alien visitation to be
exciting. I've just moved more to science-fiction to get that thrill rather than speculating
whether blurry photos from every Tom, Dick and Harry might be an alien visitation.
Some people seem to go the opposite direction. They like their science-fiction a little too
much. It's understandable really. The earth of the Star Trek universe is Utopian. Living on
board the Galactica is excitement at every turn. Travelling through Stargates and exploring
new worlds would be the greatest job in the world. Hell, I've been daydreaming about being a
companion in the TARDIS since I was about 5.

Now before you stop me in my tracks and say 'reasonable people know the difference between
fiction and reality' I must remind you of one thing: Jedi is now an established and official
religion in many countries. We now have over 500,000 registered Jedi around the world.
Let me reiterate.

500,000 people base their beliefs on a religion thought up by a man who made Jar-Jar Binks
and Ewoks.

A common trend I have noticed with the 10-14 crowd is also science-fiction. We have people
sending in videos using alias's such as 'Commander Adama' (although Adama is actually an
Admiral in Battlestar Galactica), Kahless (a Klingon prophet), and even Brad's official
website states 'Share and Enjoy' for spreading his stories via links. 'Share and Enjoy' is
the slogan for the complaints department of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation from
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

We also have examples of popular science-fiction theory being cited as proof of alien
visitation (the Liz Hurley breast cancer light/wormhole being the latest)

I've done my share of science-fiction conventions in the past. I'll admit I am a nerd. I
even wore a towel over my shoulder when Douglas Adams sadly passed away. At these
conventions I have seen my share of people devoting themselves to various new age religions.
Many of these are based around the worship of extra-terrestrials.

Do people want to believe so hard that a life known only in fiction can be achieved that
they are willing to see past the cold hard facts?

Remain skeptical. Please.

-Doc