Usually he just answers 'no.'
Associated Press Article
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Life is Comedy
I had an accident today at work. It involved a large blade and several fingers being sliced. My right index finger is missing a chunk. It's become apparent that the store dog, a Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix....ate the missing chunk.
I can barely type right now.
Life is hilarious!
-Doc
I can barely type right now.
Life is hilarious!
-Doc
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Saudi Family to Sue Genie
This will be short and sweet. A Saudi family moved out of their home of 15 years due to their belief they were harassed by a Genie. They have even gone one step further and filed a court motion with intent to sue said Genie.
Read more here
-Doc
Read more here
-Doc
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Tropics Can Get Fucked
The tropical regions of the planet are known for their sunny skies, warm weather, sandy beaches, and palm trees. What they DON'T tell you about on those vacation commercials are BOT FLIES!!
I think we should nuke the tropics.
-Doc
I think we should nuke the tropics.
-Doc
Friday, June 26, 2009
Gold, Myrrh, and FrankenScience
Back in 2001 the world was treated to a medical procedure that largely went unknown. This was a partially successful full-on monkey head transplant. Yes. Doctors cut the head off 2 monkeys and sewed one head on the body of another. The monkey regained consciousness. As the procedure requires the spinal cord to be severed the monkey didn't have much more ability-wise than breathing and looking pissed off. In its' current state the procedure will render the recipient a quadriplegic.
The monkey survived for several hours before succumbing to the procedure.
Like I said...partially successful.
It sounds like something that would come out of some pulp mad scientist science fiction magazine from the 1940's. We even have a mad scientist who goes by the name Robert J. White. Dr. white is the brains behind the monkey head-transplant as well as a very vocal proponent for human head transplants. He even showcases a paralyzed buddy of his who is volunteering to be the first human to undergo a head transplant procedure.
What may surprise you further is this incident with the monkey is not the first time such a procedure has gone down. On May 21, 1908 the first 2-headed dog was created. A dog was decapitated and had his head grafted to the back of the neck of another dog. Major arteries and blood vessels were connected and it created blood flow. There was evidence the poor bastard was conscious after the procedure. The Russians were very big on their 2-headed dogs also. I'm surprised we didn't hear more about that during the cold war....The Iron Curtain and their 2-headed demon-dogs who want to destroy capitalism!
That woulda been a hoot!
The Russians were much more successful with their dog-head transplants as they were the first to successfully graft a head to another dog body that seemingly kept full brain function. This groundbreaking procedure was surprisingly done in the 1950's. This is what inspired Dr. White to perform the monkey-head transplant. He did his in 1963. He then did the operation again in 2001 which is where our story began.
What does this mean for us now?
Stem cell research is likely to improve the procedure. What becomes questionable is the ethics of such a procedure. Recently the news has been infatuated with human face transplants. The public interest in the face-transplant procedure can likely be attributed to the discomfort a lot of people have with the very idea. The very mention of the idea of a head transplant will probably make their stomach sink. A lot of questions are raised in regards to the ethics of the donor body.
But...perhaps there is a solution?
HEADLESS CLONES!
Yes, my friends. I know that sounds like science fiction again. I'm sad to report that it's not. Since we've had the ability to map DNA codes we have also gained the ability to alter them. Scientists have successfully created embryos of tadpoles and mice sans heads.
They didn't 'live' very long, needless to say.
The plan is to develop this research to pertain to the creation of headless human clones. These mindless sacks of meat would be hooked to life support systems to keep the body 'alive' until it is needed. The first idea for going ahead with headless human clones is for an inexhaustible supply of donor organs. This would be especially useful as it could potentially lead to developing organs based on the recipients DNA...thus a nearly 0% chance of rejection. The other use, potentially, is human head transplants.
And now I will leave you to your lunch and debate the ethics.
-Doc
BBC Article on Monkey Head Transplant
Headless Mice!
Robert J. White Wiki entry
The monkey survived for several hours before succumbing to the procedure.
Like I said...partially successful.
It sounds like something that would come out of some pulp mad scientist science fiction magazine from the 1940's. We even have a mad scientist who goes by the name Robert J. White. Dr. white is the brains behind the monkey head-transplant as well as a very vocal proponent for human head transplants. He even showcases a paralyzed buddy of his who is volunteering to be the first human to undergo a head transplant procedure.
What may surprise you further is this incident with the monkey is not the first time such a procedure has gone down. On May 21, 1908 the first 2-headed dog was created. A dog was decapitated and had his head grafted to the back of the neck of another dog. Major arteries and blood vessels were connected and it created blood flow. There was evidence the poor bastard was conscious after the procedure. The Russians were very big on their 2-headed dogs also. I'm surprised we didn't hear more about that during the cold war....The Iron Curtain and their 2-headed demon-dogs who want to destroy capitalism!
That woulda been a hoot!
The Russians were much more successful with their dog-head transplants as they were the first to successfully graft a head to another dog body that seemingly kept full brain function. This groundbreaking procedure was surprisingly done in the 1950's. This is what inspired Dr. White to perform the monkey-head transplant. He did his in 1963. He then did the operation again in 2001 which is where our story began.
What does this mean for us now?
Stem cell research is likely to improve the procedure. What becomes questionable is the ethics of such a procedure. Recently the news has been infatuated with human face transplants. The public interest in the face-transplant procedure can likely be attributed to the discomfort a lot of people have with the very idea. The very mention of the idea of a head transplant will probably make their stomach sink. A lot of questions are raised in regards to the ethics of the donor body.
But...perhaps there is a solution?
HEADLESS CLONES!
Yes, my friends. I know that sounds like science fiction again. I'm sad to report that it's not. Since we've had the ability to map DNA codes we have also gained the ability to alter them. Scientists have successfully created embryos of tadpoles and mice sans heads.
They didn't 'live' very long, needless to say.
The plan is to develop this research to pertain to the creation of headless human clones. These mindless sacks of meat would be hooked to life support systems to keep the body 'alive' until it is needed. The first idea for going ahead with headless human clones is for an inexhaustible supply of donor organs. This would be especially useful as it could potentially lead to developing organs based on the recipients DNA...thus a nearly 0% chance of rejection. The other use, potentially, is human head transplants.
And now I will leave you to your lunch and debate the ethics.
-Doc
BBC Article on Monkey Head Transplant
Headless Mice!
Robert J. White Wiki entry
Friday, June 19, 2009
The Divorce Special
Hello my homies,
Continuing on with my tradition and obsession with our obsessions with 'reality' television I am commenting on the 'major news' in regards to Jon and Kate that shall be revealed on the new episode due to air next week.
Even though they are not explicitly saying what it is....we can all pretty much guess at this point, no? The divorce of 2 miserable people is never a happy time but often necessary. What I find particularly distasteful about this instance is they are using this announcement to further boost ratings on their television show. What can easily have been done through a news conference is now being kept hush-hush beyond 'Something major is going down. Tune in!'
I feel sorry for those kids in the end. It's unfortunate they have been born to a coupla' schmucks like those.
-Doc
Continuing on with my tradition and obsession with our obsessions with 'reality' television I am commenting on the 'major news' in regards to Jon and Kate that shall be revealed on the new episode due to air next week.
Even though they are not explicitly saying what it is....we can all pretty much guess at this point, no? The divorce of 2 miserable people is never a happy time but often necessary. What I find particularly distasteful about this instance is they are using this announcement to further boost ratings on their television show. What can easily have been done through a news conference is now being kept hush-hush beyond 'Something major is going down. Tune in!'
I feel sorry for those kids in the end. It's unfortunate they have been born to a coupla' schmucks like those.
-Doc
Thursday, June 11, 2009
If Life Gives you Poop....
Make Poop Juice! Wise words from Bug-Eyed Earl (from the bizarre comic strip 'Red Meat')
Hamilton, Ontario (where I currently am living) is undertaking a project the first of its kind in Canada. All city vehicles are going to be running on bio-fuel. More specifically they will be running on biofuel made from human sewage. I suppose a year ago I may have been against anything that would tarnish the sweet Hamilton air anymore...but since the closing of Stelco Steel there has been something missing from the air. The thick yellow haze. The smell of sulphur. Maybe poop-powered trucks is JUST what we need to get this city back like it was old times!
-Doc
Read more here.
Hamilton, Ontario (where I currently am living) is undertaking a project the first of its kind in Canada. All city vehicles are going to be running on bio-fuel. More specifically they will be running on biofuel made from human sewage. I suppose a year ago I may have been against anything that would tarnish the sweet Hamilton air anymore...but since the closing of Stelco Steel there has been something missing from the air. The thick yellow haze. The smell of sulphur. Maybe poop-powered trucks is JUST what we need to get this city back like it was old times!
-Doc
Read more here.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Jon and Kate Must Seper'8 or...The Death of Educational Television
Hello all my Franklin Mint homies. Doc here crawling out of my self-imposed exile. I want to hear nuttin' more ever again of Brad Johnson, Blossom Goodchild, or any other maniacs/snakeoil salesmen associated with the 'Saviors' of the Earth.
I'm moving on to completely NEW maniacs!
In 1980 the television station calling itself 'The Learning Channel' was launched. In Canada we didn't recieve this channel until the mid-90's or so. What I remember of it was educational content. It hosted such things as nature documentaries, sciences and technology, medical shows etc.
Not bad.
Unfortunately the masses aren't into expanding their brains and learning about new things. 'Reality' television quickly took a foothold in the world and quickly became one of the top television formats. Television execs are likely thrilled by this. Often a reality series needs nothing more than a camera crew, an editor, and a few words thrown in to fuck people up.
The Learning Channel quickly picked up on this. The format of an educational television station was dropped and the name of the channel shortened down to 'TLC.' It quickly degenerated and filled the timeslots with the usual garbage of watching people argue. Discovery is equally, if not more, guilty of this practice as they are still touting themselves as an educational network. I believe their biggest hit right now is about crab fishermen. They also showcased a show based around those fellas arguing about building motorcycles (American Chopper) before passing the show on to TLC.
TLC touts itself now as a slice of life channel. TLC basically took the same ratings model that such degenerative talkshows as Jerry Springer and Maury Povich. Essentially the ratings model goes like this:
People want to see arguing.
People want to gawk.
I can't stress that second point enough. The majority of TLC programming would be considered distasteful if in another forum. TLC is to a circus sideshow what Maury Povich is to Jerry Springer....a wishy-washy forum that allows America to gawk at human oddities (I hate that word....). Under the guise that it's educational programming it takes away the stigma around the distaste many people feel about going to a carnival 'Freak Show.'
the whole Jon and Kate Plus 8 Fiasco is no exception. I find this show as distasteful as the fiasco of the Dionne Quintuplets.
Long story short....the Dionne Quints were born in 1934 in Ontario Canada. Such a birth (with all the babies surviving) was unheard of. The Canadian Government quickly took custody of the Dionne Quints and built a tourist attraction around them. The quints were put on display for all the (paying) world to see. The Canadian Government made a tidy profit on the exploitation of children. The semi-happy news is the quints were eventually returned to their parents.
All in all I find Kate Gosselin (and to an extent, Jon...that miserable bastard just doesn't want any part of it) just as monsterous as the Canadian government....exploiting children for profit.
Their OWN children which is 100x as shameful.
I do have some sympathy as to why a lot of these programs happen and why the subjects agree to them. Sometimes it's just not finacially easy to be born different. Little People, Big World for example. Very often a person born with some sort of genetic abnormality isn't given the same rights to life as many others benefit from in America. As far as I am aware many of the Roloffs are unable to acquire medical insurance due to their dwarfism. Compounding this is a lot of pre-existing medical problems caused by the dwarfism. The hotpital bills must be immense. I could go on a rant right here to everyone who ever called me a 'communist' for believing in universal healthcare but I will just say instead that I find it incredibly sad that a family has to resort to exploiting their personal lives on television in order to make ends meet.
The 'Slice of Life' shows don't end there. Frequently TLC has been showcasing entire marathons dedicated to the morbidly obese (and doing nothing for their dignity by showing them being carted around on forklifts, etc.), as well as a host of other programs with titles that could be found at the Coney Island sideshow (Mermaid Girl sticks out the most).
Is this trend going to end anytime soon? Are humans just pre-programmed to gawk?
-Doc
I'm moving on to completely NEW maniacs!
In 1980 the television station calling itself 'The Learning Channel' was launched. In Canada we didn't recieve this channel until the mid-90's or so. What I remember of it was educational content. It hosted such things as nature documentaries, sciences and technology, medical shows etc.
Not bad.
Unfortunately the masses aren't into expanding their brains and learning about new things. 'Reality' television quickly took a foothold in the world and quickly became one of the top television formats. Television execs are likely thrilled by this. Often a reality series needs nothing more than a camera crew, an editor, and a few words thrown in to fuck people up.
The Learning Channel quickly picked up on this. The format of an educational television station was dropped and the name of the channel shortened down to 'TLC.' It quickly degenerated and filled the timeslots with the usual garbage of watching people argue. Discovery is equally, if not more, guilty of this practice as they are still touting themselves as an educational network. I believe their biggest hit right now is about crab fishermen. They also showcased a show based around those fellas arguing about building motorcycles (American Chopper) before passing the show on to TLC.
TLC touts itself now as a slice of life channel. TLC basically took the same ratings model that such degenerative talkshows as Jerry Springer and Maury Povich. Essentially the ratings model goes like this:
People want to see arguing.
People want to gawk.
I can't stress that second point enough. The majority of TLC programming would be considered distasteful if in another forum. TLC is to a circus sideshow what Maury Povich is to Jerry Springer....a wishy-washy forum that allows America to gawk at human oddities (I hate that word....). Under the guise that it's educational programming it takes away the stigma around the distaste many people feel about going to a carnival 'Freak Show.'
the whole Jon and Kate Plus 8 Fiasco is no exception. I find this show as distasteful as the fiasco of the Dionne Quintuplets.
Long story short....the Dionne Quints were born in 1934 in Ontario Canada. Such a birth (with all the babies surviving) was unheard of. The Canadian Government quickly took custody of the Dionne Quints and built a tourist attraction around them. The quints were put on display for all the (paying) world to see. The Canadian Government made a tidy profit on the exploitation of children. The semi-happy news is the quints were eventually returned to their parents.
All in all I find Kate Gosselin (and to an extent, Jon...that miserable bastard just doesn't want any part of it) just as monsterous as the Canadian government....exploiting children for profit.
Their OWN children which is 100x as shameful.
I do have some sympathy as to why a lot of these programs happen and why the subjects agree to them. Sometimes it's just not finacially easy to be born different. Little People, Big World for example. Very often a person born with some sort of genetic abnormality isn't given the same rights to life as many others benefit from in America. As far as I am aware many of the Roloffs are unable to acquire medical insurance due to their dwarfism. Compounding this is a lot of pre-existing medical problems caused by the dwarfism. The hotpital bills must be immense. I could go on a rant right here to everyone who ever called me a 'communist' for believing in universal healthcare but I will just say instead that I find it incredibly sad that a family has to resort to exploiting their personal lives on television in order to make ends meet.
The 'Slice of Life' shows don't end there. Frequently TLC has been showcasing entire marathons dedicated to the morbidly obese (and doing nothing for their dignity by showing them being carted around on forklifts, etc.), as well as a host of other programs with titles that could be found at the Coney Island sideshow (Mermaid Girl sticks out the most).
Is this trend going to end anytime soon? Are humans just pre-programmed to gawk?
-Doc
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